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Everything Bagel

By Michael Shaeffer

Written by Michael Shaeffer

A National Poetry Slammer celebrates comic tales of whip crackers, guardian angels, misfit muppets, 80s pop music, Russian cuss words, and finally breaks the sexual tension between 2 appliances from The Office.
Adult language,Crude Humor
The creators say this show is appropriate for ages 16 and up
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Cast and Crew
Michael Shaeffer
Michael's previous Minnesota Fringe shows include Tantrums, Testicles, and Trojans (2005) and Roofies in the Mochaccino (2008). He has written and produced Shakespearean adaptations of Caddyshack (Kansas City Fringe, 2019) and The Breakfast Club (Fairbanks Shakespeare Theatre 2019). In 2020, he published a book that celebrates over 550 of Prince's songs with individual poems for each track, From Alphabet St. to When Doves Cry: A Haiku Companion for Prince. His 6th book of silly, pop-culture poetry, Wild Blue Donder, was published this spring. His wife and dismissive cats (Snickers and Twix) now live with him in Iowa.
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What the audience can expect: An evening of fun, silly, sometimes poignant slam poems and stories, starting with the notion that Harry Connick, Jr. is not only a great pianist, but also a guardian angel as a side hustle.  The comedy quickly segues into a bit inspired by the American episodes of The Office, from the point of view of Michael Scott's 13" plasma tv.  It's a love poem.  Then we have a celebration of Indiana Jones and tacos, moving on to the perks of bone and nerve damage, learning to swear in Russian from a resurrected Anton Chekhov, defending the greatest year in pop music (you're close--you're very close!), a horrific reimagining of Little Red Riding Hood as directed by Fede Alvarez, a creative way to file a complaint against your (formerly) favorite restaurant/bar, parroting Don Music (my favorite muppet) in a sestina, and gleaning important lessons from the everything bagel featured in this year's Best Picture: Everything, Everywhere, All at Once.  The show really does have everything!  Adjust for density.   I consider the show appropriate for ages 16 and up.  The script has 7 F bombs, but only three of those are in English.  Come enjoy the cross-cultural cussing, pop culture, and Diablo sauce!

"Inexplicable, but totally hilarious!"--MAXIMUM ROCKNROLL magazine

Shaeffer's work is “...brilliantly funny, unpretentious, and engaging.”--The Minneapolis Star Tribune

"Shaeffer is a true mutant, with each poem I ask myself 'Where the hell is this going?' But with each line, the story becomes clearer with his clever delivery, wry wit, and impeccable recollection of days gone by. Being a fan of all things pop culture and weird, Michael has a way of hitting all of the buttons along with the ability to wrap everything up with a very twisted bow--great stuff, time after time."--Glenner Anderson, XROCK Morning Show host, lion tamer

"...he uses reference in a way that enlightens, rather than panders – it’s as much a tool in his toolbox as rhyme or meter or allegory. It’s not a crutch, it’s the language he speaks and thinks and breathes. The language we all do these days, really. As far as I’m concerned, that makes him the Poet Laureate of the Avengers generation – not the poet we deserve, perhaps, but the one that we need. He’s a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A Dork Knight."--phillip andrew bennett low

"Shaeffer moves seamlessly between powerful tributes of bad-ass icons to intimate moments with our memories.  It is the perfect mix tape of poetry."--Amy Gallaway, 2020 Alaska Teacher of the Year

 "The wonder and sizzle of Shaeffer's writing is the alchemical magic. He works with countless Pop-Culture references, molding and reworking them 'til they dance to his tune."--Ryk McIntyre, poet and paranormal investigator

-2006 National Poetry Slam performer, Austin, TX

-2009 National Poetry Slam performer, West Palm Beach, FL

-2014 National Poetry Slam performer, Oakland, CA

-2009 Minneapolis Erotic Slam Champion

-2011 Minneapolis Geek Slam Champion

-2002 one of the eligible bachelors on FOX's Looking for Love: Bachelorettes in Alaska

Here's a clip of Michael's favorite muppet:
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